Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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