OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
