i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
