I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
