Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
