Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

My cock was attacked by outdoor plants

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(301): View more from Maryland

Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?

(443): View more from Maryland

We using my standards or yours?

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(916): View more from California

Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.

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(518): View more from New York

4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips

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(734): View more from Michigan

Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?

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(606): View more from Kentucky

Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...

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(843): View more from South Carolina

To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.

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