Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
