A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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