Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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