Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
