I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize