He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize