You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
