Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
