I feel like I'm in dance class right now
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
