It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
