thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize