so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
