I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
