Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
