I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
