Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
