My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
