I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
