I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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