He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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