my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
