why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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