Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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