opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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