New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize