Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
