sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Someone came in the potted fern
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
