a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
