We're facebook friends in real life
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
