she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Boobs are out for the taking
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
