Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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