You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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