VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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