It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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