Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
