I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
