So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
