I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
These tits shall not be calmed
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
