apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
