and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
