Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
ttyl tear gas
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
