smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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