Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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