I could make wine with my vomit
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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