The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
