I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
