it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
