Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize