I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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