i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
