I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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