He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize