i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
