mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
