I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
