Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
