hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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