i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
