your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
