I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
